Sense of Direction

It was always on my To-do list. To find a path out of fellowship.

A re-hash of my life so far – Born, brought up and went to medical school in India, dreamt of getting out there and seeing the world and learning more; thought further training in US would accomplish that. I travelled to US as a medical student, applied for residency and matched in Charleston – WVU Division. 3 years –  after plenty of life experience, loving people, true friendships and some decent training, moved on to Lexington, Ky for Fellowship in Neonatal Perinatal Medicine at University of Kentucky. Now, I am 2.5 yrs in. I have learnt a lot, done a lot of growing up, met a lot of inspiring people, some very supportive mentors, made a whole new bunch of true friends, learnt the art of keeping in touch with old friends, learnt to appreciate my family much more than I ever have and have grown into a different person from when I started in very many ways.

A few months ago, I knew I would have to start planning on my new destination. Took a lot of soul searching. I had fallen in love with Palliative Care along the course of my fellowship. I thought it would be a great addition to my skills. I considered applying into a pediatric palliative care fellowship for the better part of a year. As a single girl, on a J1 visa, living in the States, I also wished to settle in one place and start my life for a change. I always considered returning to India after completion of my training. After 6 years in the States, I also felt like a transition back to my home country would be just as much of a challenge. In the end, I decided I would stick with finding a job in the States, someplace where I could continue to grow as a neonatologist, find a good boy to date and eventually settle with and figure out the rest of my life afterwards.

Found a job – Beautiful people, a place where I could see myself grow professionally, with hills and a river – they liked me back too. I did land in a job visa soup soon after I got my offer. I reconsidered everything I had decided on in the week after I found out about the Visa situation. My close friends and mentors advised me to look other places. Especially, if I was looking to stay in the country. I considered applying to Palliative Care Fellowship – I still love it. Now, as I thought about all this, one thing became exceedingly clear, I was in love with this place where I was signing on. I couldn’t imagine myself doing something else or going someplace else. I really could not.

At that point, I did something that any self-respecting neonatologist would do – stood back, took a look at the whole big picture, see how good or bad it looks, evaluate risks and benefits and then talk to the parents ( I talked to mine since my life is the baby in question here).

I explained to them what I was going to do – wait this ‘Visa situation’ out into April 2020, and there is a chance it may not work – in that case, I would much rather like to come home to Mumbai. And start a life there – with my family and old friends. I explained to them that I would much rather not apply to other jobs or situations.

They did what most parents do when I talked to them – they asked good questions. Appreciated my rationale and decided to support me, come what may.

I realized I wasn’t doing anything brave or commendable. Just what seems right for me at this point in my life ( I learned to listen to my heart here – it forms the crux of most Disney movies).

I just want to take this moment to thank all of America ( it is one day after thanksgiving after all). You guys, you took me in, taught me a lot, took care of me and showed me a world I would have never seen. I didn’t have family when I came here – I cannot say the same anymore. You have been a gracious host, a loving people and friends that I never imagined I would have. You also gave me other things I absolutely love – Aaron Sorkin, a plethora of Disney references to live by, a healthy appetite for cussing when things are not quite right,  symphony orchestra music, a craze for road trips, a whole lot of guacamole and Twitter.

I have grown into a strong, (still somewhat vulnerable), confident (who occasionally has imposter syndrome), outspoken (as introverted as I am) and somewhat wise, woman. I came here as a 24 yr old. I turned 31 yrs old in October this year. Mumbai, India has been home. Everything I learnt at home, enabled me to go places that I ventured to go to. I am fortunate that this country and its people, have made me feel like I was theirs, too. I always felt like a belonged. It takes a special kind of people to make someone feel that way. I would love to see where life takes me next. I now look forward to doing my best wherever I may go next.

It is Thanksgiving Weekend. I always have had a customary facebook post, this time of year. This one is an ode to all the people and events that have led me thus far. Thank you! 🙂